Week Ending 8th October
copied from my Linkedin Newsletter from June 2022
Because I was recovering from appendicitis in September, I didn't keep up with the blogs, so I am filling in the gaps with some articles I posted on Linkedin in 2022. I was using the world Happiness as a mnemonic and the H offered many opportunities to reflect on Happiness.
HAPPINESS - H stands for: Holistic-Health, Humour, Helpfulness, Hunting and Harvesting Mutually Joyful Encounters and - the Hat. The Hat? What Hat?
Ultimate Stress Solutions is a Community Interest Company. We offer Empowering Workshops and online Programmes to reduce stress, build resilience and increase Happiness.
June 1, 2022
The H of happiness - H stands for Holistic-Health, Humour, Helpfulness, Hunting and Harvesting Mutually Joyful Encounters and - the Hat. - Hat? What Hat?
Happiness is not something we can chase or capture - but there are some actions we can take which affect our mood in a positive way - and then we notice that the 'butterfly of happiness' spontaneously dances into our own life and we feel a warm sense of happiness radiating from the very depths of our own heart.
We are all part of each other, so Happiness Strategies that we practise, affect the people around us. They bring smiles to the faces of others - and since smiles are contagious we find that we are smiling more broadly too. We really are part of each other. We can find more happiness in and through our wise and generous relationship with others. In this first article I am looking at Holistic-Health, Humour, Helpfulness, Hunting and Harvesting Mutually Joyful Encounters. I will explore The Hat in a later one.
H = Holistic-Health
Health is important. When we are healthy and physically strong, we are much more likely to be happy. Pain and sickness tend to undermine our happiness - and impact the happiness of all those who know and care about us. There is a huge amount that we can do, through the choices we make, to improve our health - and these require us to look at the whole picture, not just focussing on any symptoms we may have of ill health.
Body, Mind, Emotion and Spirit
There are many things to consider when we think about what it means to be a human being. We have a physical body, a mind, emotions which swirl around, creating physical sensations in our body and disturbances in our mind. Our mind itself impacts our physical body. The power of placebo medication is just one example of the way that the mind can affect the body, and just by changing the way we stand or walk, can affect the way we feel and our attitude of mind.
Then there is the whole subtle mystery of spirit - when we explore our inner world and still the mind and body to become aware of who we really are - on the deepest level. There are countless examples of miracles. I shared one that has happened to me in a previous blog.
H = Helping Others
I love the phrases that Bijon Roy uses 'Hunting and Harvesting Joyful Encounters' - or 'Just add Joy.' We humans are a Tribal Species. We are not designed to manage everything on our own. Loneliness can be crippling. He recommends that we go out every day and look for opportunities to engage with people in a genuinely heartfelt way. It is like a game - but one which strengthens happiness for both parties. I will share some real-life examples of this - as they occur - in future articles.
Building Bridges - Deepening Understanding and Empathy
Look up Henry Rollins on YouTube. He is a great example of someone who brings joy to countless people worldwide, heart to heart, on his travels. Another example, important in a time when we need to limit travelling in order to reduce carbon emissions - is Alan Dein on the BBC World Service. 'For the last decade, Alan Dein has crossed the globe via the internet, to gather stories from total strangers - many of whom have become old friends. The stories are unique and often unusual - but they show how people are alike on a deep human level' and, like Henry Rollins' encounters, Alan Dein's conversations, even though they are not face to face, bring joy and deepen our heart-felt empathy and understanding.
Listening - turning the attention away from ourselves
When we are feeling seriously stressed or low, it may be very difficult to find the energy even to get out of bed - never mind to go outside and start to engage with strangers. But if we can find the courage to take even a small, positive step to connect with other people and direct our attention towards listening to them and responding to their story rather than allowing our own issues to swamp and engulf our emotions, whether we encounter these other people face to face, by phone or using internet, then it is surprisingly healing. We may well notice that our stress or depression begins to melt away.
When you are talking to someone and especially while listening to them, practise paying close attention - listening and responding to what they say. It is one of the best ways to strengthen a friendship and improve a relationship of any kind.
A Word of warning
If you are feeling really stressed or depressed and someone asks, 'How Are You?' it is likely that they are making polite conversation and do not actually want to know how you are. I find the best response is to find a way to turn the conversation towards them. You can say something amusing, like 'Well I'm still alive, so it can't be too bad. How are you?' Once, when I was out of work during a world recession and depressed because I was finding it so difficult to secure another job, my neighbour asked me how I was. I answered honestly and received a rather self-righteous lecture. That did not help either of us!
We are all part of each other
Mindfulness is a powerful tool. If you feel stressed or depressed, one approach is to observe your own thoughts and emotions with kindly curiosity and see if you can identify what is causing them. Simply 'sit with the experience' and watch the way that our emotions move and change. But don't remain focussed on your own condition for long. Mindfulness works best in my experience when we use brief 'Micro-practises' and just check in on our thoughts and feelings for a minute or two, several times a day. Then we can quickly identify unhelpful patterns of thinking and direct our attention instead to positive affirmations or simply conscious breathing and gratitude. Then either give yourself a task that occupies the mind in a positive way (reading a good book, watching a funny film or video, for example - or even better, look for opportunities to engage with other people and share some joy - Hunting and Harvesting Joyful Encounters. This takes a degree of courage. We risk being laughed at or ridiculed. There are people who feel better when they are able to 'put someone down.' But courage only grows through taking on challenges. We really are all part of each other and the more we can use the heart-power and reach out to each other, the more we will grow.
My mother lived alone for many years, but she was active and despite increasing blindness and painful ulcers was one of the most positive and cheerful people I have ever known. My sister phoned her every morning and was surprised one day when our mother, now in her late 90's (by that time registered blind and in almost constant pain) said, 'This morning I woke up feeling rather depressed....' Before my sister could reply, she continued.... 'so I asked myself, 'Who can I go and cheer up today?'
Our consciousness or mood is contagious. Just as we can lift our own spirits by consciously making an effort to cheer up someone who may be feeling lonely or low, we need to be aware of how other people around us are affecting our happiness.
Tips especially useful for Teachers - How to deal with hostile people
Ideally, if you are with someone who is angry or hostile, take steps to physically move away from them. Leave the room if possible - or move to the far side and place your attention on something else.
When in a classroom, faced by an angry pupil who is focussing his or her hostility on me, the first thing is self-awareness. If you don't realise what is happening, then you may be at the mercy of your emotions and just react - and you are not under control of your reactions.
If circumstances mean that I can't move away from the culprit, I like to look out of the window or notice something natural in the room. There may be a plant on the windowsill or outside a tree or the sky. Immediately you are connecting with something that holds a peaceful consciousness and it empowers you.
Rise Above it and use Compassion
If a pupil tries to start an argument, we can avoid reacting to whatever they may be saying or doing by imagining that we are much taller and looking down on the whole situation with an attitude of benevolence and compassion. We need to remember that pupils (and staff) come into school with all kinds of personal problems. This is not about you. This is not about whatever has 'sparked' the argument, it is about all kinds of things that are going on in their lives outside. In school we have the responsibility to emotionally embrace each and every one of the people we are working with - staff and pupils alike with our strong, positive and peaceful consciousness. We can't do that if we are swamped by the negative consciousness of whoever may be in front of our face, probably full of venom and verbally attacking us.
This can be very difficult - it as practise. It is a skill like any other and you really do get better with practise. When time and circumstances change and you can reflect on what was happening, you can discuss the situation with colleagues or friends and decide what to do next and how to heal the situation.
When it comes to the classroom, look for an opportunity to be nice to that pupil, to praise them for something, so they know that you are not holding any hard feelings - that they can also improve the relationship and allow happiness to grow. But don't depend on it. This has to be done from an open heart, with no expectation.
Some people are carrying such a lot of pain and anger, they have to throw it at someone and they may find your very peacefulness threatening. I had a boss once who snarled at me one day, 'Why do you always have to be so damned cheerful.' (That was before I became a teacher, so it is no reflection on Senior Management.)
We can't take care of the entire world - but the consciousness of the world is made up from each one of us. Every encounter is an opportunity to lift the world. So it is important to take our own corner - our own consciousness - seriously and put into practise strategies which will enable us to be stronger in our own inner peace and happiness.
The H of Happiness remind me of so many powerful strategies for reducing stress, building resilience and increasing happiness.