21) Kindness and Oneness

This has been an interesting and eventful week. I was thinking to describe it as tumultuous or crazy, but with the horrors of the Gaza war still hanging over us at every moment, it seems almost disrespectful or callous to describe it like that. This is a time of terrible tragedy. 

Chapter 1 Gaza

The photo is Christmas Decorations in the dark. Light and Darkness. It is not looking for some pretty decorations - and there are many I could find. More a reflection at this time when we (or at least those of us who remember that we celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas time) are thinking of family gatherings and celebrating the birth of the Jewish Palestinian Jesus, Prince of Peace - there are war-crimes going on at this very minute, a genocide with suffering and death on an unprecedented scale, in the very Palestine where Jesus was born and taught and brought his Light to shine for the world to follow. 

The Star of Bethlehem

The Wise Men from the East followed the star and it led them to Bethlehem in Palestine....

The 'Stars' over Gaza light up a very different scene.

This is the photo of a Palestinian journalist.

On 8th December, the International Federation of Journalists said that 68 have been killed covering the Israel-Gaza 'war.' This is more than in any other conflict in over 30 years and 72% of all media deaths worldwide this year. And journalists are not the only group of civilians who seem to be targeted at this time. - with 101 United Nations personnel (this dates from 13th November, so almost certainly more have died by now) and over 300 Health Workers killed. The total deaths at this time is about 20,000 with at least a third of these children. 

The bombing in Gaza, the so called war there which is killing people as I sleep, as I wake, as I talk to my friends and family, as I eat, as I write here ..... It is dominating my emotions. I have to remind myself that the ONLY thing I can do is add my voice to all those worldwide who are calling for a Cease Fire, for negotiations, with the world's wisest diplomats, to bring a solution which will - at long last - give a sense of hope and security both to the Israelis and the Palestinians alike.
 
In addition to this 'Active Protest' taking part in marches and vigils, I just need to continue in all my prayers and activities to live in a way which brings more love, more peace, more oneness to the world, minute by minute, in this present moment I think that this is all that any of us can do.  
The world is a reflection of us all. When enough people become more peaceful, more loving, kinder and genuinely more spiritual so we live and breathe a sense of oneness with each other and the planet, then this kind of obscenity will be impossible. Nobody would support it. But for now, the world is where it is and it does seem on some level to be going backwards. There is a 'backlash' against compassion and oneness which seems to be popular both in the UK parliament with its plans to send Asylum Seekers to Rwanda, and in the USA where some states have made abortion illegal and Texas is giving police the authority to stop and jail any migrants who can't prove they have come to the USA legally. 

All this hostility to those who are 'different' all this xenophobia and the tendency to resort to violence and war is not new. 3000 years ago the great Lau Tzu wrote something that I have shared in earlier blogs...

Mother Teresa, just a short time ago, within our lifetime, showed the Face of Compassion and modelled what Christianity can look like shared a similar message. 

So now, with a heavy heart and tears for all who are suffering from conflict in Gaza and all the conflicts elsewhere which are not being brought to our attention so sharply at this time - (the conflicts in Ukraine aand Syria, those in Sudan and Myanmar are some I know of) I will turn my mind to events in the past week, closer to home.

Chapter 2 - The Smallest Cog

The big event would be at the end of the week. If you have ever competed in Long Jump, you will know what I mean when I describe the first part of the week as the 'run up' to the actual 'jump.' The Jump was taking my car to The Smallest Cog, the garage in Herefordshire, featured on the television series 'Richard Hammond's Workshop.'

About two months ago I succeeded in getting a grant to help with the costs of my Mindfulness-Joy Silk-Painting Workshops next year. The first thing I did was pay for the Hall Fee for the entire 10 months of 2024. Next on my list of priorities was my car. For each workshop I have to take three car-loads of materials, there in the morning and after packing up, three car-loads back. And since my son gave me his car in 2020, I have not been able to priorities either the servicing or repairs to the bodywork.

You will see from the above photo that there is also a stain on the door from brown tape I used when thieves broke the window and I had to tape it up until it was repaired. The repairs were done on insurance, so the glass was replaced, but the man who fitted it couldn't link it to the mechanism, so the window has to be kept shut. The list of things needed for the car was long.

I decided to get several quotes for the work required, including a quote from my favourite garage, Richard Hammond's Workshop - featured on Discovery Plus television which my son and I have enjoyed watching ever since the first series  came out. My son said this was not sensible because they are bound to be too expensive, but I said at least it would give me an idea of the top price - and a nice excuse to actually visit the 'famous garage.'
We like the programme for two main reasons - the people are so great, totally natural, genuine heart-deep people, working on something both challenging and inspiring. The second reason is that it models the realities of entrepreneurship - both the excitement and some of the challenges. My son and I are both aspiring entrepreneurs, obviously on a totally different scale - but we still find any programmes like this, which are about real people taking on real projects, very interesting and often riveting viewing. 

The photos here are from my first visit to the Smallest Cog. In the photo below I am with Neil, who is Richard's Partner. He is the expert on body-work and Sophie who manages the office. 

Neil loved my car. He said to Sophie, 'I think we'll give her our old rate' and she agreed - so the price they quoted was actually lower than the quotes I had been given in London! I couldn't take time out to do this work before the November workshop, so it was booked in to deliver on Friday 9th December as Neil said hw would work on it over the weekend, so it wouldn't interfere with the filming.

Neil said that before he went into partnership with Richard Hammond, he worked on this kind of car all the time and he would enjoy working on it more than some of the beautiful classic cars that they focus on now. He would keep costs down by repairing existing panels, with some plastic welding (for a recent crack and dent in the front panel, just under the light, caused by a metal plate which blew over a hedge and into me during the gale on 2nd November.) I said that clearly, since there were bits of body work all around the car that needed attention, it would not be necessary to 'paint match' them all perfectly. If he could fix the window and get rid of the brown tape stains, that would be wonderful but  as long as the body-work was sound and the engine serviced, that would be great. Neil drew himself to his height and said he had his own pride. It would look as if it had just come out of the showroom!

There has been so much happening this week that I will divide it not just into chapters here - but into two or even three separate blogs. I will write the Smallest Cog episode when I collect the car.

I can't stop the bombing in Gaza. I can't go and rescue anyone trapped under the rubble or starving to death there or anywhere else. But if I can provide an empowering and joyful experience to a few people in my workshops, it is something. And to do something is a lot better than just looking on at all the horror in the world and feeling utterly helpless and frustrated. 

According to my philosophy, we human beings are all part of each other - and we are part of the entire world. What we do, how we feel, is reflected in a tiny way in the 'state of the universe.' So by giving my workshops I really am able to make the world just a tiny bit more happy and peaceful.

Peace has to start with each one of us. 

Chapter Three - The Spark

If you've been following my blogs at all, you will know that at this point in my life, my world revolves around my monthly Mindfulness-Joy Silk-Painting workshops. When I give these and see everyone engaged and enjoying the experience, I feel such a sense of happiness and satisfaction that I absolutely know that I am 'living my purpose' and 'making a real difference to the world.'

I was on a real high after my workshop in November. The situation was one of the most challenging I have ever faced, as the three people in my Team, who I was expecting to help me set up, could not come. The only previous time when I have been completely on my own for the set-up was last May. Desperate to be ready in time, I was rushing around carrying two six-foot trestle tables or three heavy metal-framed chairs at a time. Flinging them down, opening the legs and swinging them upright then running for the next.... By evening my back had gone out and I could hardly move.

Part of the problem in May was that there had been a big event in the Church the previous day and the Site Manager had not been able to put the tables and chairs we need in the room I hire, so I had to bring everything in across the church and along some corridors before I could even start to prepare my room. From what I remember the actual workshop went well that day - especially once my son arrived from a later coach - but the experience was not a good one either for my physical body or my emotions. 'If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people.'

This time, when I realised that nobody would be helping me with the setting up, I was pleased to notice (mindfulness) that I was quite calm and happy. I simply accepted the fact that the room would not be ready by the start-time, and I would need to recruit whoever arrived first to help complete the setting up.
On this occasion, the Site Manager had provided most of the tables and chairs we needed. They were already in the room and I had the tarpaulins and carpets laid and the basic layout of tables in place by the time people began to arrive. Everyone was happy to help out, as they arrived.

My Cellist came early, responding to my call earlier in the morning (when my son had phoned to say that because of the bad weather he would have to get a later coach) and we all  moved smoothly and cheerfully forward with the preparation, working together in harmony with a great sense of mutual kindness and oneness. 

Starting late, I felt like an artist. I was 'thinking on my feet' according to the time, and selecting the 'colours' (activities and timings) almost instinctively, to work with the immediate situation. There was no time to stop or reflect on anything - I cut out the Forest Bathing taster, because of the heavy rain and darkness outside, replacing it with a new activity - drawing something we love in nature, or a place where we feel peaceful, from memory or imagination. I had to cut out much of the sharing and discussion to catch up with the time and because, with such a large number of people, it would have taken too long. With this adjustmet, I was able to bring in the reflection on the meaning of different colours and start the Silk-Painting quite punctually. One way or another, everything flowed together. The whole event went really well. 

By the end of the evening I felt as high as if I had just won a race and was standing on the podium, gold medal shining around my neck, with a huge crowd cheering. I felt that together, one way or another, despite the challenges, we had 'nailed it.' my workshop had 'come of age.' Participants were delighted. Feedback was inspiring. This programme works. It makes a real difference. I felt it was time to 'take this up a level' and start giving more workshops, not just this one each month. 

 In this photo most people have finished the silk-painting and are clearing their work-stations. I didn't know until I checked the Feedback Forms later in the week, that we had actually had a record number or participants - 21 people including 6 children!

Next day I slept for ten hours straight. I normally drop my son at the Coach Station but he walked across the river to the underground station and found his own way home.

We had brought the food and crockery home, the first of the loads, when we came home, having completed the 'take-down' by the early hours of the morning. On waking, I unloaded all the food and crockery, filling the kitchen and much of the hall with boxes, and went back to the church where I filled the car with all the boxes of silk-paint materials, (stored overnight in the open-fronted 'Buggy Park' at the back of the church.) Most of these boxes had to be stacked outside, as they can't be put away until they have been processed and there is not enough floorspace in my hall. 

Then I returned to the church and brought the third load - carpets and microwave ovens etc. They stayed in the car for most of the week, until I had 'chewed up and swallowed' (put away) the earlier loads.

My mind was spinning. On one hand I was all fired up to give more workshops. On the other, I was intensely aware of how much work is involved each time - and especially the way that having to make three journeys, with three car-loads of materials, just isn't practical. I need a van. Indeed I need a combi-van which combines space for goods with seating, because my son often drive families home after the workshop while I begin to pack things up in the room. 

I started to research combi-vans and on Saturday I went to a Citroen Showroom to view and measure up their Berlingo combi-vehicle. This is only the first step in the research required - and the beginning of the new dream of giving more workshops - but with a van like this I would be able to take my workshops anywhere.

Every great goal, requires a journey and begins with a dream. My son thinks that this Berlingo would not be big enough for all three loads. I measured it and because the seats in the back fold absolutely flat and flush with the floor, I think it would work. For example, the 'van space' is six foot long and my carpets are five-foot long. If I built a partition, like a wall, to make a space for the carpets to stack one on top of another, I think it would work. But there is a lot more research required. And also, to source funding for such a venture.
All the week following the workshop passed in a blur, with two things dominating.

One was the pressing need to 'chew up and swallow' the loads brought back from the workshop, which begin with three days of processing food and washing up. I was especially conscious of how much time things take this time. Normally I take my time, making each activity a form of meditation, enjoying washing and drying each dish and spoon in a mindful way, often singing or repeating a silent mantra such as love, devotion, surrender, gratitude or joy. But this time I was thinking of how long things are taking and how, if I am to do more workshops, I need to speed up and streamline some of these activities. When it comes to the dishes, I could do with a dishwasher!!

I chose the screenshot below for the photo of the van, not for the hire information - but there is now a new 'van-sized spark' in my fire.

Chapter Four - A Contrast in Circumstances
The second thing that was dominating my attention was that on Tuesday after the workshop, I noticed a slight sore throat. (By Friday I had to spend much of the day in bed, with a nasty cold and fever. I am so rarely ill that I don't allocate mental space for being out of action and I find it frustrating.)
On this occasion, I spent much of the time catching up with the latest desperate situation on the ground in Gaza. I was acutely aware of my good-fortune, being secure in a warm bed, in a house where, even though I don't like to use the central heating, I have an electric radiator in the room and some cats sitting on the bed like hot-water bottles, where we keep each other warm.

When it comes to Bella, she prefers to snuggle up to me, while Misti likes to come as close as possible, and I have to keep her away from my laptop because she dribbles when she is really happy.

Unlike the thousands in Gaza who are falling ill because there is no clean water, many are going without food and for most people there is no medical help of any kind, I was in a house full of food, with a range of delicious drinks including my favourite squeezed orange with juicy bits, coconut water and apple and elderflower, left over from the workshop. I was following the news and intensely aware of the contrast in our circumstances.

Fortunately, by Sunday, my fever had gone, and while I was still feeling quite frail and had almost no voice at all, I was able to go to the Peace Vigil outside Downing Street. I overslept and arrived late, but I was in time to hear one excellent speech - by a Jewish man from Scotland, who talked about how we need to learn to disagree and argue without hate. I recorded his speech and the minute of silence and the beautiful singing which followed and concluded the event. 

In the days that followed, I combined this 'sound-track' with some photos taken on the Tow-Path beside the river Thames. The enigmatic figure in the autumn evening sunshine is ANgel, my cellist. 

Chapter Five - Kindness and Oneness???

I spent much of Monday in bed again, determined to recover full strength as quickly as possible as I had quite a demanding week ahead. One of the first things I wanted to do was meet up with a friend who normally translates for me at my workshops but had been caught up by an emergency on the day. She has been through some pretty desperate trauma in Ukraine and is finding life very difficult here in England. It is great that she is physically safe, that she has the basic necessities of life, but I can't even imagine the mental and emotional challenges she is experiencing. My aim is just to be a friend at this difficult time. 
We met on Tuesday afternoon, in a McDonald's near where she is staying, and it was great to see each other again as we've not been able to meet for months. But as we relaxed over our meal, unsurprisingly, since it is weighing massively on my heart, conversation turned to what is going on in Gaza. To my increasing horror I discovered that she has completely swallowed all the propaganda that Israel has been churning out, including the fake news about '40 Beheaded Babies.' She even claimed that no children in Gaza have died. 

I was shocked and I would even say traumatised by her views. I felt such a visceral and painful emotion of disbelief, grief and anger that I forgot all about her own emotional state and all that I know about mediation and conflict resolution. Suddenly I saw the time. My car-parking ticket would run out in minutes. I did not need a parking fine on top of everything else. So I just jumped up, explained about the car-park timing and fled. 
Since then I have messaged my friend on WhatsApp and sent an email, but she has not replied. Fortunately we have a mutual friend who is from Ukraine and very much understands the whole situation. I shared with her what had happened and am hoping that over the next few months we can repair some of the emotional damage that we  undoubtedly caused for each other. 
The words of the Jewish speaker at the Vigil seem especially pertinent. We need to learn how to disagree and argue without taking these things personally. No hatred, only kindness and oneness. 

This is the email I sent to my friend...

'I am concerned because I had to go so fast when I saw the time. I was only just in time to reach my car before my time for parking ran out and the fine is sixty pounds if I was late. I'd had two of these fines in the past two months. It's almost impossible to live in London without getting car fines so I'm really anxious about them. If you don't pay in 14 days they double. 

It was horrible to have to leave you so abruptly and especially when we were having quite a serious discussion about such a painful subject as the conflict in Israel and Gaza.

It's quite natural that we will disagree about many things but that does not stop us being friends and working together. 

When it comes to the conflict in Israel and Gaza I think the most important thing is to try to find out what is true, because there's always what they call 'the fog of war' where people on both sides tend to issue their own propaganda, but in this case, everyone agrees that what Hamas did on 7th October was a war crime. The question is to see what Israel is doing in response. Is it also a war crime? From what I have seen, and I take this very seriously, it is also a war crime. It is what is known as 'collective punishment' where the civilians are being bombed and killed in huge numbers - out of all proportion to the stated aim which is to 'destroy Hamas.' 

So far some 17 THOUSAND  Palestinian civilians have been killed. More than half are women and children. That's in two months. When you compare it with Ukraine, there have been about 10,000 Ukrainians killed in two years. That is terrible but imagine if what is happening in Palestine was happening in Ukraine. 

Israel directed people living in Gaza to move to the south to be safe. Then they bombed Gaza city with bombs, mostly given by America - but UK and Germany are also supplying weapons. Nearly 2 million people have been forced to move, but now Israel is bombing the south. They have cut off water and food supplies and medical supplies. There is no clean water, no protection against the winter weather. Most hospitals have been destroyed. Disease and starvation are spreading.

All this is completely against the 'rules of war.' Several Israeli leaders have said that they are aiming to empty the Gaza strip of Palestinians. Some talk of killing everyone in Gaza - which is genocide. And the world just looks on. It seems nobody can stop them.

The United Nations is calling for a Cease Fire. Most people in the world are calling for a Cease Fire, but America, UK and other European countries are not trying to stop the carnage. Just imagine if this was happening in Ukraine. Everyone would be condemning Russia and there would be massive international pressure to stop it. But historical links between the USA and Israel are very strong so not only does America not tell Israel to stop, it continues to supply them with the weapons. 

I care about everyone. How can I ignore this?

You are hurt by all that is happening in Ukraine and so am I. That's why I give my workshops free - it's all I can do for you and your people. But I am also deeply hurt by what is happening in Palestine. 

Israel has every right to protect itself from attack, but this kind of reaction to October 7th atrocities won't help them defeat Hamas. It will only create more anger and fear. It will inevitably make more Palestinians hate Israel and determine to fight for their freedom, their people and their homeland, just as the Russian atrocities make Ukrainians more determined to fight for their freedom.

I really love you and care about you. I am so sorry for the way our meeting ended so abruptly and uncomfortably but this is the real world and it is not easy.

I think that just by our being friends and working together despite our disagreements, we will make the world just a bit more sane. It is uncomfortable to disagree and not fair on you for me to argue with you when you are having such a difficult time, but I can't ignore lies and propaganda which tries to dehumanise the Palestinians and pretend they are all Hamas fighters.

The 'beheading of babies' was a lie created by and spread by media at a time of chaos in Israel after the horrible attack by Hamas. I shared a YouTube video which makes this clear, in your WhatsApp. It's important to know the truth. 

I watch YouTube videos each day to catch up on the latest news. Here is a short one - I think just two or three minutes - of one of the few hospitals left functioning. It's in the south of Gaza, where Israel told everyone to go to as they were going to bomb the north. But now they're bombing the south. There is no 'safe place.'

At least we need to be a bit aware of what is happening. In everything we need to try to find out the truth, to know what is really happening. If it contradicts what we believed before or what our friends think, then it can be unsettling, but the aim has to be to know the truth and stand up for what is right. What is happening in Gaza is absolutely terrible. Please watch it. At least you will know that in Palestine, at each moment, families and children who have nothing to do with the conflict and no connection with Hamas, really are being bombed. Over 7,000 children have now been killed in Gaza since October 7th. Is this going to help Israel recover the hostages that Hamas took? 

When they had the 'pause' in the bombing, many of the hostages were freed. It shows that stopping fighting and entering into negotiation does work. Now, who knows, the hostages themselves may be dying under the bombs. This is not the way to solve anything. 

As you can tell, I feel these things very deeply. I care about everyone who is suffering - the Ukrainians, the Israelis and the Palestinians. I condemn all war criminals - Russian, Hamas and Israeli. I feel so helpless. My heart is in pieces. But at least I can help you to know what is true when it comes to Gaza and the Palestinians. 

Let's meet up soon and do something nice together without having any 'serious conversations.'

Lots of  love

Chapter 6 - Real Kindness and Oneness - from the time of the first 'Gulf War.

 remember in 1991, when the USA and others went to fight Saddam Hussain and end  Iraq's annexation of Kuwait.
(There are several in-depth accounts of this history online. I recommend this one - https://history.state.gov/milestones/1989-1992/gulf-war)

My spiritual Teacher sent a message to all of us, through our Meditation Centres, saying that while we were not in a position to end the war, could we make sure we were not waging war with each other. This was significant for me, because at that time we lived on the far side of London from our Meditation Centre. My son was eleven years old and when the meditation ended it was quite late. There were individuals in our Centre who lived quite close to us and would be driving home, but they preferred to go home without passengers. I would often be asking around to see if I could get us - or at least my son - a ride home. It doesn't sound like any big deal but it did cause tension.

We had to walk to the station, catch the Northern Line train, transfer to another line and walk to a bus when we reached the station nearest to our house. The we had a ten or fifteen minute walk from there to our home. It was late. My son would be falling asleep. He was too big for me to carry. And all the way I was aware that two or three cars were driving from the Centre to homes in our neighbourhood. Where was the oneness? We are supposed to be creating a spiritual family in which we look after each other - but we clearly had a very long way to go.

Some people said it was my fault. I should not come to the Centre twice a week - or I should fix up a babysitter and leave my son at home. Some people who might have offered a ride were practically falling over themselves to leave before I could ask them, while others who did not live near us and couldn't offer a ride, would be sympathetic to us and critical of those who lacked oneness.
 
After the meditation - when we received this message about the Kuwait war, I said that I would do one thing to reduce conflict. I would no longer ask people for a ride. If someone would like to give us - or my son - a ride home, they could approach us, but I would not ask anyone any more. This was my gesture to reduce the conflict in the world and not 'wage war with each other.'

Next morning, I had seen my son off to school on his bike and taken our dog for his run. I was on my way out to go to my University and had just locked the door, when I heard the phone ring. (In those days we had land-line phones.) I nearly didn't go back in as time was tight and nobody ever phoned us. If the phone went it was usually an elderly lady who mistook our number for the doctor. Even if I went in, the phone would almost certainly stop ringing before I reached it. But on this occasion I did go back in and I did reach the phone before it stopped ringing. 
On the other end of the phone was one of the prominent people in our meditation centre. She said that there was a little blue car parked outside her house. It had not run for months, as it needed some attention and since her husband had a car, they had not given this a priority. That morning they had been talking about the car and thinking that if they could manage without it for months, they probably could manage without it all together. She appreciated that I might well not have the funds to repair it, but if it would be useful to me and my son, it was ours. 

Kindness and Oneness do exist in this world. It was a wonderful gift and taught me much. It is incredible how different we feel when instead of begging for a ride, we can be on the lookout for someone who might need one and offer them our oneness-kindness-love. 

Now to find a poem or two to end this blog with.

"Kindness is like snow; it makes everything it covers beautiful."
— Anonymous

Like kindness, a smile from the heart not only purifies the human mind but also illumines the human heart.

Sri Chinmoy,

Choice wisdom-fountain-souls, number 4, 2000

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