27) Belonging or ‘Fitting In’

For Week Ending Sunday 14th January

Saturday's March in Support of Palestine and calling for a Cease Fire in Gaza

Half a million protesters marched to Parliament Square on Saturday 13th January. I was there among them. I recorded some of the speeches, but my phone got too full to catch them all. I have an audio link which includes Jeremy Corbyn's excellent speech. I'll process that and add it later. Here a few videos including a group of Orthodox Jews and a doctor just back from Gaza... I was in tears at times, hearing the testimonies.
I felt a particular connection with a Councilor from Redbridge who resigned from the Labour Party in protest at their support of the Government's assisting Israel in its bombing and refusal to call for a Ceasefire. I also left the Labour Party last year, in disgust at the way it has lost touch with its genuine principles. 

The March was a significant experience of oneness and solidarity. The atmosphere was warm and inclusive, absolutely peaceful, although there was some shouting and chanting at times, this was understandably passionate, people are dying every minute under the bombs - but it was not aggressive. Real welcome to all the Jewish contingents and certainly no hate to be seen anywhere.

The question of Belonging or having to 'Fit In.'

On the way home, walking back from Parliament Square towards Trafalgar Square, I got into conversation with a lovely couple. They are Gujarati by heritage but came to the UK from East Africa. We went to a cafe where they treated me to hot chocolate and we shared a Brownie between us. A great experience of Oneness.

At one point the wife was on the phone, sorting out something for her daughter who has Special Needs. I told her a bit about my 'honorary son' who is Autistic. Both of our children have wonderful and unique gifts which to share with the world. In my view, 'God Creates' people - just as 'S/He' creates trees and flowers, with an infinite diversity. But society only has space for the average ones. If you are different you don't 'fit in.'

She agreed. She said there is a massive difference between belonging and having to fit in. We need to build a society in which everyone can feel that they belong. They should not have to change to 'fit in.'

That had me thinking about the way people sometimes approach argument. The world is diverse. Individuals have different histories and are taught different things. They will have differences in opinion. But that does not prevent us from being friends and extending to them our hearts of genuine love and oneness.

It always helps me to remember what George Fox (founder of the Quaker Church that I grew up in) said - calling us to 'walk cheerfully over the world, answering 'that of God' in all. 
My spiritual Teacher Sri Chinmoy offers a Path to everyone - whatever our beliefs, religions, races or backgrounds - which requires just three things - Love, Devotion and Surrender. We love the divine in each person. We devote ourselves to the divine principle of love and oneness and we strive to surrender our lives to the Will of God. 

The Quest for Truth

I have a friend who said they weren't coming on the march because he felt that the people on the marches  support Hamas. But this is not true. If someone has an opinion that is 'far from what I consider to be the truth,' such as this one, then I do like to provide evidence to hopefully enable them to recognise that they are mistaken.
The aim has always to be to grow closer to the truth - and always to remember that none of us 'have arrived' at that Holy Grail of Truth. We are all 'feeling our way' towards it. None the less, there is such a thing as truth and in the case of these Marches, they are in solidarity with the people of Palestine who have been suffering so much over the years and are now experiencing Genocide. We are calling for a Cease Fire, and - while most of us understand that the attack on 7th October did not come from nowhere and needs to be seen in context, we are not in any way supporting Hamas or justifying the terrible war-crimes that they committed that day.

I wish this friend could have come on the March. He would have discovered first hand that his idea that the march was in support of Hamas couldn't be farther from the truth. I think with 500,000 people marching, there were 9 arrests - and the police were very keen to 'catch' anyone apparently in sympathy with Hamas displaying a 'Hamas logo or headband.' So in all those thousands there were fewer than ten people who may have been in sympathy with Hamas - and some of those arrested may have been behaving badly for other reasons. Indeed they may have been racist or Islamaphobic agitators who came to try to disrupt the March or cause trouble.

Some people are uneasy about the chant, 'From the River to the Sea, Palestine shall be free.' but this is not calling for all Jews - or all Palestinians - to be driven out of that region. It is calling for the freedom for all people who live in the territory 'from the river to the sea' whatever their religion or heritage. Peaceful co-existence in one state. And that, while difficult, may be more realistic than trying to implement the 'two state solution' now that so much of the West Bank has been colonised by settlers.

On a recent Palestine Solidarity Zoom, one lady asked how to answer people who attack us and say we are supporting terrorism. The Host said it's best not to say anything. Just ignore them. They have their views and they aren't going to change from a casual conversation in the street. I suggested we reassure them that we are supporting peace and freedom for everyone.
This war is achieving nothing good for anyone. It is not bringing security or hope to either side. And it will have to end sometime. So it's important to call for a Cease Fire and then start the real work of diplomacy to negotiate, with all the wisest diplomats present, for a permanent and fair solution.

Meanwhile we urgently must get the humanitarian aid to all those who are suffering in Gaza as quickly as humanly possible.

When we are talking to people who are hostile to the Palestine Solidarity Marches, we need to emotionally embrace such people as they are motivated by fear. Most hatred is rooted in deeply felt fears. If we can assure such people that we, like they, desire the same thing, for the people in that part of the world to live with a peace that is based on justice and freedom, where everyone feels secure and can bring up their children to dream great dreams and achieve great futures, then we can remain friends. 

We need Compassion and Oneness rather than trying to 'correct a falsehood.'

A few weeks ago, one of my friends from Ukraine asked me why I was supporting Hamas. She told me how dreadful their attack on 7th October was - and mentioned the 'beheading of babies' which has been shown to be propaganda, made up in the 'heat of the moment' when Israel was reeling from the genuine atrocities of the attack. It never happened. It is a nasty lie created and spread to demonise Hamas. The attack was bad but it was not bestial. I did my best to explain this, and shared some pertinent information about the history of the conflict and the way Israel's response by destroying Gaza and killing tens of thousands of innocent people, more than half of them women and children, is only making things a million times worse. 

I will share a few items, spread out over the months that followed our conversation, emphasising the fact that friends don't have to agree about everything. We are different people with different histories and there will be many things we don't see eye to eye on - but it's important she understands that I care about everyone who is suffering from war. The fact that I am marching in solidarity with Palestine does not mean I care any less about Ukraine. None of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. We all have many beliefs which are untrue. But I do feel a responsibility to shed light on things which are blatantly false when I come across them. It's similar to racism. Not enough to consciously strive not to be racist and to recognise and confront any racist views which may linger in our subconscious (although that is important.) We need to be proactively anti-racist if we really want to defeat racism.
To get back to the Palestine Question

I had not heard from my friend for a few weeks, so I sent her an article about the Christian contingent on the March...

Hello ---

I am still unhappy about the horrible way our conversation progressed when we met in December.

I think we really need to meet up again soon and talk more - to better understand each other's views. We are different people with different histories. We can't expect to agree on everything, but we can still work together. The more we can listen to each other's viewpoint, the better. If we can work together with mutual respect then the world will become just that little bit more peaceful.

Can you phone or text me? Can we meet up this week?

You don't need to read the following but I hope you do....

To continue the conversation about Israel and Gaza, do watch this - it's one of the worlds top psychologists - the Jewish Hungarian Gabor Mate, who was a refugee age 13. His family escaped to Canada and he was a Zionist for many years.

He believed there was 'A land without a people for a people without a land' that Israel offered the perfect homeland for the Jewish people who had suffered so much in Europe.

Then he was invited to go to Gaza (years ago} he says that what he saw there caused him to cry for two weeks. Palestine was not 'a land without a people.' The Palestinians have been suffering and oppressed for over 70 years, driven from their land and denied basic necessities for life.

Everyone agrees that the attacks by Hamas on October 7th were horrific. But a lasting peace and security for Israel requires a lasting peace and security for the Palestinians as well.

don't listen to me. Listen to people who know the truth first hand. This is Gabor Mate - from a video I just found on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1323517738330765/

trusting that we can meet up in the coming week to 'restore peaceful relations' before our next workshop.

of course we will have differences of opinion. i dont expect you to agree with me on everything - but we can have a dialogue. I genuinely care for all who are suffering. You know that on my poster I have flags for Ukraine as well as Israel and Palestine. 


My friend's recent message is worth sharing here.... We have to be so careful to be always working from a position of love and oneness. Anything else is likely to come over as aggression. 

Please stop rapping me with that terrible things!!!!!!

I wanted to write you every other day, but I had to restore my inner balance and collect calmness and energy for that
I want to answer each of your messages and points but this requires a lot of strength which I lack a lot nowadays, and each new cuts energy from me

And every time I'm ready you come up with a new rape

I intended to write you today but again I got a bomb in my mail box
A bomb that I have never asked for
I have never asked to provide me with any material concerning  that matter
Never ever
And stuffing me with that is literally a rape

I'm very sorry I wanted to put that delicately but I just can't cope with it anymore

I'll come to the workshop, it is scheduled in my planner as well as all the future ones

A bit later when I hopefully will gather energy I'll answer all what was previously but please don't answer to that, don't give anything new, let's not raise any dimension of this topic
Just for some time please let's postpone this completely

Let's only only discuss your workshop and your business and nothing nothing nothing more

I messaged her

 'I do understand. That's why I'd like to meet up somewhere more relaxed and comfortable than last time - and I can come by bus so no problem with parking (I'd had to rush away without concluding the conversation when we met before.)
Just always know that my committment is to support everyone who is suffering from injustice and attacks - everyone.
That's what motivated me to create my workshops and support Ukraine. I can't close my eyes to the people suffering from bombardment in Ukraine or in Gaza. They are all 'family.'

I totally love you and look forward to meeting again soon.

She replied

Please let's stop discussing that, I beg you. I don't know how to ask. Today was horrible night. Hitting residential buildings in my city - which is everyday story, but this time rather near to us.

Please just lets stop mentioning that at all. Please. I'm afraid to open each of your messages and letters. 

I have to remember the difference between 'fitting in and belonging.' I want her to feel that she belongs in my heart, just as she is. She doesn't have to change anything to 'fit in' and feel accepted and loved. She is on her own journey and I am her friend, not her instructor. 

For true Belonging, we need oneness, we need compassion - to let people be who they are and welcome them, 'warts and all.' 

I will end this blog with a reflection on Compassion.

When teaching Religious Education, I would explain that compassion and empathy are very similar. Empathy means that we have the capacity to identify with someone else and feel how they feel. It is such an important quality, to step into the shoes of someone else and see the world through their eyes. If they are suffering, then we feel that pain.

Compassion includes all of that, but it also demands that we do whatever we can to help them, to alleviate their suffering. I'll see how the dictionaries on Google define it.

Here's the Cambridge Dictionary definition - Compassion: a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them:

'The Greater Good' Berkeley education website says this- Compassion literally means to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related. empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help. Altruism, in turn, is the kind, selfless behavior often prompted by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion.

While cynics may dismiss compassion as touchy-feely or irrational, scientists have started to map the biological basis of compassion, suggesting its deep evolutionary purpose. This research has shown that when we feel compassion, our heart rate slows down, we secrete the “bonding hormone” oxytocin, and regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in our wanting to approach and care for other people.

World Suffering and Compassion
And finally, what does my Spiritual Teacher have to say - I found the following answer on world sorrow as well as his insight into the nature of Compassion inspiring - 

Question: How can we find inner peace of mind when so many of our brothers and sisters are suffering all over the world?

Sri Chinmoy: Millions of our brothers and sisters are suffering. Now, if we are really inseparable in our oneness with them, then we are also suffering by sharing consciously their difficulties. So we have to try to free ourselves from these excruciating pangs. If we feel the world at large as our very own and let it become part and parcel of our own existence, then naturally we will feel its pangs as our very own. This outer world will be an extension of our own reality. Now, if we suffer from the pangs of the world, naturally we shall try to free ourselves from this suffering.

If there is night, then we shall cry for light. But just because there is night around us, if we say there is no sun, we are making a mistake. There is light as well. Just because there is suffering, if we do not pay attention to the light within us, the light of the soul, then we are making a most deplorable mistake. If we can enter into the world of light, then only will it be possible for us to carry the light into the world of night and suffering. The question is not how to do the right thing; the question is why we do not do the right thing. When there is something wrong, it is of paramount importance that we immediately do the right thing. We don't deny the existence of suffering, but we shall dive deep within to discover something that can eventually eliminate all our suffering and that is the light of the soul. So we shall dive deep within and from the depth of our heart we shall bring forward the light of the soul. Once the light of the soul enters into the world of suffering, then only can this world of suffering be transformed into a world of joy and delight. This is the only way we can end earthly suffering.

Sri Chinmoy,

Self-discovery and world-mastery,  1976

Compassion
I know what God’s Compassion is. God’s Compassion is man’s only salvation. I know what man’s Compassion is. Man’s Compassion is often the aggrandisement of his ego’s imagination. It is through aspiration that we awaken God’s Compassion in us.
Sri Chinmoy,

AUM — Vol. 4, No. 9, 27 Apr. 1969, 1969

Compassion
The animal in us has no compassion. Even the human in us has no compassion. We use the word compassion, but it is nothing other than attachment. Only the divine in us has compassion, and this compassion is for the human in us and the animal in us. Our compassion is the life-changing miracle-power in us. With our divine compassion, we can raise the standard of humanity far beyond our imagination.
Sri Chinmoy,

Rainbow-Flowers, part 2, 1999

Compassion and justice
Need each other.
Compassion needs justice
For newness-light.
Justice needs compassion
For oneness-delight.
Sri Chinmoy, 

Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, No 8341, part 84, 1983