7) Pilgrimage-Gratitude

7) Pilgrimage Gratitude

Blog for Week Ending Sunday 20^th August

Arrival In New York

I’m sitting on a cushion on my camping mattress on the floor beside the escalator to the Air Train from Terminal 8 at JFK. My trolley with luggage is parked beside me sheltering the sockets where my phone and laptop are plugged and charging.

I’m very tired as it’s 23.25 New York Time but 04.25 in England – and I didn’t have a lot of sleep last night – so I will work more on this tomorrow.

Sunday 20^th August

Now it’s 9.27am on Sunday 20^th. I’ve my laptop on top of my suitcase. I’m standing waiting for the Air-Train to Leffert’s Boulevard. From their I can get the Q10 bus to Union Turnpike and from there the F-Train to Roosevelt Avenue where I can play my music and earn enough to get the Metro Card and enough on it for today and tomorrow. Tomorrow I will need to go back to Roosevelt Avenue and earn some more.

In that way, step by step, I will earn enough for my stay here. It is such a miracle. At the end of July, after my Workshop, I had used up all my funds. To even think of coming here for my spiritual Teacher’s Birthday Celebrations – which is more of a pilgrimage than holiday – and the absolute high-point of my year? Most people – if not everyone – would have said it was impossible. But experience has shown me over the years that if we sincerely cry in our heart for something good, then a way will appear. And it did. But only just!

The Miracle-Ticket

Despite our complicated and difficult past, my hubby lent me the money to buy my ticket here. This is a real miracle and proof of the power of love. When we separated, some 30+ years ago, he was so angry that he was cursing me. He would never have helped with anything, especially not to do with my spiritual life. But I have patiently worked on the relationship and now he has lent me the entire money for the flight! I promised to repay him before I came – and I did my best. I repaid more than two thirds – and he’s happy that I’ll sort out the balance when I get home, but it means I arrived here and that is quite a miracle.

On my way to the Airport, for my departure, I was feeling a great sense of gratitude and seriousness. I’m aware that this is pilgrimage and I want to make the maximum inner progress from the whole experience. Every step is surrender. And when we are serious about surrender – which is one of the most difficult ‘steps’ in the spiritual life – we can expect to be faced by challenges. (I taught Religious Education for some 30 years and I know something of the different religions. Some of the teachings in Islam speak of life being a Test. And at times, like on this pilgrimage, I can really appreciate this perspective.)

The Flight to Chicago

Once on the Plane I was hoping to spend my time in meditating and practicing some spiritual disciplines, preparing for this period when I can focus exclusively on spiritual progress. I also have to identify the poems I will be sharing with my little Recitation-Group while I’m here – and starting to organise the stories friends have shared for my 50^th Anniversary Project, but I was just too tired to do anything even vaguely aspiring.

I was so happy to have a window-seat. I found that the windows have a button so you can change them from clear glass to shaded, almost like looking through sunglasses – all the way to dark. But at first I didn’t understand why the view was so ‘blue.’

I changed this light-setting in time to say ‘goodbye’ to England. The cloud-cover was not quite uniform, so you could sometimes get a glimpse of the land below.

I was out busking every day this week, usually until midnight (when I have to rush to catch the last train, followed by night bus to get home.) I was busking on Friday night, the day before my flight, until about 10.30pm, then home via Richmond, to put the earnings in the bank so I could send my hubby another ‘installment’ before I left. Not home until midnight – and then I still needed to pack. I rested until 3am and since then had been working not just to pack but also to leave things organized in the house for the friend who will be coming in to feed the cats.

It wasn’t procrastination or laziness to rest on the plane. I was really tired, so I dozed until the meal came, then ate and dozed again. When I did wake up enough to do anything, there were just two and a half hours of the flight to Chicago remaining. I was still too tired to do anything demanding, so I checked the films for anything that might be inspiring and found BlueBack. It is a moving and important story – and a stunningly beautiful film.

Then I watched The Irish Goodbye – a short film about two Irish brothers saying goodbye to their mother who has passed away.

I was excited to see one of the Great Lakes below as we approached Chicago. I was excited to see Chicago itself. The city has held special meaning for me since Barak Obama was president. I have read all his books and those by Michelle Obama. They are two of my favourite people, and although I don’t follow American politics closely, I noticed only one serious ‘shadow’ on the time of his presidency – when he went to Flint and took the ‘side’ of the ‘authorities’ who had polluted the water with lead. He ‘pretended’ to drink the water and said everything was fine. What a missed opportunity to stand up for people who were suffering and do something ‘right’ that appalling ‘wrong!’

Conversation in the Passport Queue

In the Passport Queue I got chatting to the two people ahead of me. They are missionaries – from a fairly ‘fundamentalist’ denomination. Needless to say, the sister was keen to engage me in conversation about Christianity. We had a wonderful conversation all the way to the Passport Check. She was not completely ‘rigid’ in her views and I was able to give her a bit of background ‘scholarly reading’ of some of the texts which cause most problems. She loves the way that the entire Bible ‘Tells a complete story’ of how God created everything and then Adam and Eve were disobedient in The Garden of Eden which resulted in Original Sin – and without the sacrifice of Jesus, who was God Incarnate and ‘took the sins of the world’ up on him on the Cross – we are all caught by that sin. But He did make that sacrifice and offer us a route to Salvation. And He will come in Glory to judge both ‘the quick and the dead…..’

I said it is a wonderful story. And for those who believe in it there is great power and comfort, but it is not the only story in the world that has such power and offers a personal Relationship with God. I talked about how, as a child, nature taught me that God absolutely loves diversity and the only two constants I could discern in the universe – in nature – in what God, as Creator, has created – are diversity and change. So to me it is absolutely absurd to imagine there might be only ‘one way to know God or be ‘Saved.’ I told her a bit of my own experience – and how, when I first met my spiritual Teacher I had such a profound experience that I assumed he was Jesus, the Second Coming – because I was Christian and saw the world entirely through ‘the prism of Christianity.’ Only later, when I heard how he often spoke of meeting ‘The Holy Mother and Her Son’ and spoke of Jesus as his brother, I could appreciate that God does not restrict His Revelation to just one moment in time and space. And when we speak of God being One God, that is a mystery beyond our comprehension because we are all part of That. We are all part of each other.I said how when I met my spiritual Teacher I said I didn’t understand something. He smiled broadly and said, ‘Never try to understand anything. The mind is limited. Always use the heart. The heart is vaster than the universe.’ As he said this, he did something inwardly which was like lifting a huge weight from me that I had not even realized I was carrying, so that physically I suddenly felt ten feet tall and able to breathe freely. I guess it was a weight of trying to understand things, that he took from my mind. I urged this lovely lady to let go of her efforts to understand things and judge people, but to feel in her heart of oneness the Reality of the One God and the truth found at the heart of all religions.As I say, she was a lot more open than many Fundamentalist Christians I have met, who brush me off as ‘of the devil.’ Indeed she asked me what I think about Satan and we had some really deep and sincere discussion about the way that in the holy books of all religions, authors have to use symbolism and story to engage with the great questions. There is certainly more to life than the body and mind – and in my view, when it comes to inner forces we will find both good and bad forces, just as there are people in the world who act in a way that is ‘good and bad.’ So yes, I do believe there are ‘undivine forces’ which can influence us – but not in a ‘fallen angel with horns and a tail’ called ‘Satan. In my view that is a symbol, a story, to help people engage in the reality of forces which can influence our behaviour in a negative way. Even in our mind we can observe a ’battle’ going on at times, between what we know is right and the ’temptation’ of other desires.Sometimes you can find the passport queue takes hours and is very tiring, but because of our dynamic conversation we didn’t even notice it. It seemed like perfect timing when suddenly it was our turn to step into the Passport Check Booth. And by God’s Grace, despite our very different beliefs and perspectives, there was no acrimony in the conversation. We really were both listening to each other and feeling a sense of sincere shared journey and oneness.

Conversation with the Passport Check guy.

Very often, when you go by the Passport Check, the Officer is very rigid and authoritarian. You almost feel as if you should hold your breath as you could get pulled over just for breathing. But on this occasion the guy was delightful. He was so friendly he made the whole operation relaxed and even funny. I said I would like to tell his boss how good he is and suggest he gets a raise. He laughed and showed me where his boss was. Then I told him how excited I was to be in Chicago for the first time. It has held a special place in my heart ever since I heard of Barak Obama and read the books he and Michelle have written. So for me now, it’s forever associated with the Obama’s and one of America’s greatest Presidents.

At that, the guy pulled all kinds of funny faces. I guess he may be a staunch Republican. Perhaps even a devotee of Mr Trump. But he was so kind. He didn’t argue or say a word. He just pulled the most amazing funny faces.

I did find his boss and commend that Passport Guy. He is doing an excellent job, cheering up all those tired passengers.

The Yellow Flowers.

Because Chicago is special to me, I wanted to actually go out and ‘touch the earth’ to feel the breeze and breathe the air of Chicago – even though the earth might be mostly concrete and the air around the airport heavily polluted.

After checking my suitcase back in for the New York leg of the journey, I was able to exit the airport. I crossed to the far side of the road from the taxi-rank and encountered some plants I had never met before. I didn’t pick any flowers, because that just speeds up their demise – but I did take a photo of some – and I picked a stem from two plants that were seeding, so I can identify them later. There was only the thinnest sliver of earth between the road and concrete slope beyond, but one brave plant was growing with big yellow flowers. I’ll use that photo to head this Blog, because it symbolised, for me, how we can all bring joy and the beauty of our smiles and positive interaction to the world, even in the most difficult and challenging circumstances.

The lady in charge of traffic was not happy and came over to stop the traffic and get me ‘safely’ back to ‘the right side’ of the road but by the time she saw me and took that action my desire to ‘touch the holy ground of Chicago and engage with the city in some small way’ had been satisfied. I have a stone, probably brought in as aggregate during building – but at least I have a stone from Chicago which I can use while busking here, to stop the dollars from blowing away.

My connecting flight to New York was scheduled to leave at half past six. In UK time that is around midnight – possibly even later – in UK. I’ll need to check Chicago’s Time Zone. Needless to say, I was not only tired but also hungry. I was looking forward to the next on-flight meal – and then realized that this was quite a short internal flight, so almost certainly there would be no food. As we waited for Boarding, I found there was free wifi and at least I could research the poems for my Recitation Group. I did that until there were only about 20 people left in the queue for boarding and was one of the last on the plane. But I did have screenshots of about half of the poems from Part 11 of the series ‘My Morning Soul-Body prayers’ which is the volume we will be choosing from in the Recitation-Group this year.

Flight to New York

I like a window seat, and my son reserved on for the Chicago leg of my flight, but on the New York leg the lady on my left was by the window. She kindly took a few photos for me. First was sunset over Chicago. Then the lights of New York beneath as we came down towards JFK.

I had resigned myself to there being no refreshments on this plane, so I was delighted when they came round with drinks and biscuits. I like to mix apple-juice and ginger-ale and drink them with ice. On both flights they indulged my request.The air-conditioning – or general temperature control was set quite low and I was cold. There were no blankets on this leg of the journey, so I just practised mindfulness, observing with real curiosity and interest what the cold actually felt like and where on my body – and how it changed. Fascinating.

Sunset as we leave Chicago.

Without mindfulness-training / experience I could have been feeling miserable but actually it was really interesting and in what seemed like no time at all we were landing in JFK. Because it was an internal flight there was not passport queue and we came out straight into the departure-lounge. It was too late to travel to Queens that night as the Housing Office (where accommodation is organized and we collect our map and key) would be closed, but I have been in that situation before – having to spend the night at JFK and I have a favourite place to sleep.

My bedroom at JFK – the cushion belonged to my mother so it is a lovely thing to bring as a pillow. 

I texted a friend when I finally reached my accommodation at the Festival next day –

‘It’s now 00.24 Aha. 7.27pm here… according to my laptop – still set at UK time. I’m sitting on my cushion / pillow on the floor in my room in the house assigned to me by the Housing Team. My phone is charging… I need to go to the Function, but I want to catch you up with a bit of the news here first.

I was very happy to be fully mindful and in the moment throughout the journey, in the plane from Heathrow to Chicago, in Chicago, on the plane to New York, in New York, settling down for the night at the airport (where I slept well and was undisturbed.)

I got up at 6am and made my way back down to the Arrivals where I urgently searched for wifi or a way to watch the final of the Women’s World Cup Final. England were playing Spain and the kick-off was at 11am UK time which meant it had already started. There was Airport wifi for my phone, but how to get to see the live football.Two options came up – Fox and something like Frodo. (it was Fubo.) You have to subscribe – but there was a free introductory period, but I couldn’t get the app store to open. I struggled a lot and texted my son on whatsapp. He found proton vpn free, then instructed me go to a link that he shared with me to watch it from this Dutch broadcast. He said if it didn’t work, phone him (using whatsapp. I can’t use the regular phone from here.)

My app store wouldn’t open. It gave the message, ‘cannot connect to App Store. So I phoned my son. He had a bright idea. Since he and his dad were watching the match live on their television he phoned me back on whatsapp, using the video option so you can see each other while you are talking, but he turned it round so I could see their television – and we watched the rest of the match together.

It was disappointing (for England fans) that Spain won, but they were an excellent team and had scored a great goal in the first half. We had a couple of good chances, which on a different day would have gone in, but it was our goalie who saved the Spanish score from being even higher. We have done really well to reach the final. There’s always ‘next time’ to win!

After the match I turned my mind to the day ahead. I took out my dollars and found out that the ‘jar of money’ I had brought, thinking it was all the dollars that I’ve been given while busking over the past few months, was actually the ‘random coins’ jar. It just happened to have three (paper) dollars in the top, so I had grabbed it in haste, without checking.

The only other money I had was about 15 pounds in coins to use for emergencies when I’m on the way home – or as a ‘float’ when I am next busking in London. The Change bureau would only change the one-pound coins – and in exchange for 10 gave me $5.00. Such a steep ‘fee’ for the conversion. I was not happy but what could I do. That gave me $8.00 in total.

I bought a cup of milk and enjoyed a breakfast of Sainsbury’s best Muesli with fruit and nuts – and a lovely cup of Earl Grey Tea. Nearly half the contents of my suitcase are ‘provisions’ as I will be self-catering here and on a tight budget. I had packets of oat-cakes, rice-cakes and crackers-for-cheese (which I didn’t use in the last Workshop and was keeping for the next one – but they are quite light-weight and will come in well while I’m here.) I had oat-cakes with honey for supper last night and a few more with my breakfast.

It was a challenge to find somewhere even semi-comfortable to eat my breakfast as there are no seats in the entire terminal.

The guy at Information said I could sit by the window behind his booth. I found that there is a structure you can sit on but it is several feet above the ground. You have to climb up on it. I pulled my trolley, laden with my two suitcases and back-pack, as close as I could to this ledge and climbed up on it.

In front of me, sitting on a wheelchair, was an elderly man (probably younger than I am but he looked ‘elderly’) who appeared to be sleeping. But once I was settled, he roused himself and started to use his stick to jab and push at my trolley. I realized he thought it was ‘in his space’ and suggested that instead of him stabbing at it angrily with his stick, he could just ask me to move it – and I did.

Again, I was sufficiently mindful and ‘in the moment’ to notice what was happening and respond with oneness, not irritation. I acknowledged this and felt pleased that I continued to be in a good and surrendered consciousness, so that the potential ‘conflict’ was avoided, and the angry gentleman actually thanked me.

I think he may be a homeless man who has found a safe corner where he can get some rest – and perhaps that is why every single chair and bench has been removed from the entire terminal. So many people look on homeless people almost as vermin but in my view they are our real brothers and sisters and a sad reflection of our society which does not have ‘space’ for everyone.

I know from experience that homeless people are often more in need of someone to speak to than food or money, so I often stop and talk to beggars. They all have a story, a reason for their situation. When I first separated from my husband, I was homeless – but thanks to the laws in England, and our son being quite young, we were given a room in a hostel for a few years, until Council House accommodation was found. I’m so lucky that we lived in a small town where it was only a matter of a few years. I just looked at the statistics for London on internet and found –

Some Londoners face waits of over 10 years to get a council house in the city…

MyLondon sent FOIs to every council in London and asked them how many tenants were on their waiting lists and how long the average wait for accommodation was.

Their responses laid the shocking state of London’s housing crisis bare.

READ MORE: Enfield dad says he’s been housed in ‘dungeon’ with swarms of rats after his son was murdered

The Borough of Lambeth alone has more than 36,000 people on its register.

Hmmm. You get the idea. My son and I have been so fortunate. A few years after securing accommodation in a Council House, while I first tried to start a business and then studied in the local College, I secured a place at Roehampton University, and we were able to move to the area by 3-way Council House Exchange! There are many miracles associated with this, too, but that is another story, for another time.

I could write a whole book, not just a blog, on my views when it comes to homelessness.

Breakfast and the challenges of the day

I normally don’t have sugar in my tea but I went to get some on this occasion since I was feeling quite daunted by the prospect of travelling with my big heavy suitcase, my flight-suitcase (which has a handle that doesn’t work) and my back-pack which is quite heavy (as it contains my laptop, a couple of books and a bottle of water, as well as the usual plugs and chargers etc.) across to Roosevelt Avenue and then on to our ‘Festival Location’ in Jamaica, Queens, by public transport.

After eating my breakfast and finishing my lovely cup of tea, I was ready for the challenge. I talked to the guy in Information to find where the Q10 bus goes from, since I know that would take me to Union Turnpike. And from there I would be able to get the E or F train to Roosevelt Gardens Station which is my favourite for busking in New York. It’s a busy interchange of several lines plus not too far from Parsons Boulevard which is the stop nearest to ‘The Holy Ground.’ Where our spiritual Teacher lived and taught – and where his Meditation Garden is. That’s the heart of all the events around his Birthday Celebrations.

Directions were to take the AirTrain to Laff?aette Boulevard where I can get the Q10. I waited for some time at the Terminal 8 Air-Train station, working on my laptop, balanced on my big suitcase as no trains for H were coming up on the screen for the next 20 minutes. After a while I realized that there was never a train for that branch of the line. I decided to go to the next station and see if I could get directions from there. I put my laptop away and as I was waiting for the next AirTrain overheard a conversation. I love ‘divine coincidences.’ It is very likely that nothing will ‘come’ from what I heard, but it might. If I had known that you have to go to the next station to get the train to Lefferts Boulevard Station, I would have gone on the first train that came in, not waited working on the laptop for some time. And if I had not stopped working on it and packed it up just then, I would have been focusing on what I was writing, not open to hearing or listening to any conversations nearby. But as it was, I did hear. I will share what I wrote about it to Angel on whatsapp, waiting for the Q10 bus, soon afterwards.

(I sent him a photo of my loaded trolley.)

‘not so easy on the bus.

Wow! 3 bags you took !

‘yes. Maxed out. Half the big suitcase is food – plus bedding.’

Food?? You got food?

‘I’m self-catering… I’m going to get a bus to the F-train Then Roosevelt Statioin. I’ll earn enough to get a metro card with enough funds on to go there tomorrow.’

…. I have enough to get to Roosevelt Station. Gratitude… Keeping a cool head. No unhelpful ‘Time Travelling’ (thoughts which run ahead and worry about possible problems) My hand in Guru’s Hand. Only gratitude.

From Terminal 8 I took the Air-Train. While waiting for the train to Lefferts Boulevard Station, I overheard a conversation.Someone was telling his friend about someone he knew who wanted to invest in some good things.I had no idea what they might be talking about but caught the words, ‘He made sh-t-loads of money’ and is looking for good things to support.They say ‘luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.’ Well that sounded like an opportunity and for sure I am prepared.I quickly dug out my two fliers and spoke to these men while we were on the Air Train.In all likelihood nothing will come of it – but it might. We have to be aware – and open to opportunity.I see life as a bit like a game of football. An opportunity is a bit like the mouth of the goal. We need to keep ‘directing balls’ towards the mouth of the goal whenever we can. They may be deflected, they may go wide, but if we don’t aim the ball towards the mouth of the goal, then for sure we will never score. And if we keep aiming at it, then in time, it is very likely that one of them will land and we will score!’

I wrote that in the bus and train on the way to Roosevelt Avenue. I left JFK at about 9.30 New York time.