Connections, Awakening & Spirituality
Friday 14 July – Monday 17 July 2023
Last weekend there was a special Event in Hay-on-Wye. Quoting from the website –
‘Community is about personal awakening and social change. Russell Brand and friends are back in Hay-On-Wye for 3 days of camping, conversation on spirituality, wellness, healthy living and our environment.’
I was inspired to take part – but I couldn’t go because I had a Mindfulness-Silk-Painting Workshop on Sunday 16th (in Twickenham, at ‘The People Hive’) with a group of adults with learning difficulties – and masses to prepare beforehand.
I decided I could go to Hay-On-Wye just there and back, to offer Russell and all involved my love and support. But how to do that? Well, I am a Silk-Paint artist, and it is always good to give something, so I looked at all the different workshops and presentations and chose those which I would really love to have attended. Then I prepared a little present for about 20 of these Presenters. I put into a package, a flier about my workshops and the Mindfulness coaching I offer, along with one (or in some cases more than one) of my silk scarves. I ironed them and folded them and tied them with a ribbon. It took hours but it was pure meditation, a real Love Offering.
I had no idea whether the Presenters would actually receive these gifts, but I felt that energetically it would be received on some level. And for my own happiness it was much better to do this than not doing anything. The journey was just like a pilgrimage. I sang most of the way, although I was driving through heavy rain and storm at times. It was a wild day indeed. The photo at the top comes from the journey down.
Forgiveness
I arrived at the Event around mid-day on Saturday, which was perfect. The organisers kindly let me in to make the delivery and I came to the ‘Inspiration’ arena just in time to hear the close of ‘Masculinity in the Modern Age’ given by a panel which included Russell Brand himself. I followed him afterwards and was able to give his gift to one of the organisers who was escorting him away.
This event was followed by another which I had highlighted – another which I would love to have attended if I had been able to go for the day – and since the Presenter was just getting ready for her Talk – on Forgiving to Heal – I was able to sit down and listen. I was actually THERE! It was a wise and well-structured approach to Forgiveness.
I have a unique Programme called The Seven Steps to Happiness and in Step Four we reflect on our lives in a way which engages with difficult and painful past experiences and in this step we recognise the importance of forgiveness, and that it is something that requires real effort and can take weeks, months or years to achieve. I have heard forgiveness described as a river that flows, sometimes deep and sometimes slow. Forgiveness frees us from the continuing pain – and breaks the connection we have emotionally with whoever or whatever caused that hurt in the first place. We forgive for our own happiness, our own freedom, our own progress.
Because we engage with forgiveness in my Programme this is a key area for me to learn more about on behalf of my students, but.I am aware that there are some things in my own life which I need to work on when it comes to forgiveness. The talk was informative and often inspiring. Afterwards, when I was able to speak to Dr Chetna King, I asked her how we can forgive someone who has hurt our child. I find it difficult enough to engage with those who may have hurt me, but almost impossible when it is a question of harm to my son or someone – or something (in the case of animals) that is close to my heart.
In my son’s case he was bullied badly when we moved to London and the school simply did not take it seriously. I feel such painful emotions when I think how day after day, he stepped into such a toxic and damaging environment. And I was complicit. Indeed it was I who chose to move to London, to come to University and advance my own career, taking him away from a town and a school which he loved and where he was much loved and very happy – to one where he was (as he said at the time) like a piece of the wrong jigsaw.
The children from wealthy homes called him ‘scruffy’ and his beloved bike, ‘tatty-bike’ because as a single mum and a student, most of our things were second-hand. The ‘rough’ children called him ‘Posho’ because he spoke nicely and didn’t swear. It was months of sheer torture, and I was too busy with my studies and just enabling us to survive (in a world where we knew nobody and had no family or friends) to deal with it effectively.
The attitude of the school was, ‘well there’s always a reason for bullying’ and the Head Teacher smiled in a rather apologetic way – as if he was helpless – when he said that having called my son and the ringleader of the bullies into his office and forced the bully to say sorry, he noticed the lad kick my son as they were leaving the office. On one occasion, when I was called from University to come and collect my son during the afternoon, he had been attacked in the playground by a whole gang of boys, led by the ringleader whom everyone feared. They pulled him off the climbing frame where he was peacefully playing on his own, pulled him to the ground, jumped on him and kicked him. He had made one friend, a boy whose parents were not from London, who had been a target for the bullies before. I asked my son if it was this lad who had run to call the teachers who eventually came and stopped the attack. ‘No,’ he said. ‘He was in the thick of the attack. He was too afraid that they would turn on him if he didn’t join in.’
In time my son did find his place at school, thanks to some inner action by our spiritual Teacher, when I eventually let him know what was happening. Part of the ‘solution’ was a change of teacher. The new teacher was a musician and initiated some music and drama activities. My son shone at these and suddenly became popular, but that is another story.
I am strong when it comes to Gratitude – (in this case gratitude to my spiritual Teacher’s action and gratitude for the new class teacher who was able to ‘change the dynamic’ of the classroom – also gratitude for my son’s own inner strength) but there are some things I find it difficult to forgive, especially since I know that research into ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) shows how they cast a long emotional shadow over our lives – and bullying is one of those which is included in the list.
Trauma is real and while the results of Trauma can be addressed, as our brain really is plastic, with new cells being created every day, the damage is real and remedial action is needed for healing. It can’t happen on its own and not everyone can achieve this without help.
For many people experiencing multiple ACE’s in childhood leads to problems with addiction, difficulties in relationships and many other issues including lower income and shorter lifespan.
Fortunately my son practises meditation and mindfulness and he constantly works consciously and prayerfully to direct his life in a positive and cheerful way. The bullying and other difficult experiences seem to have disappeared into the past for him – but they remains strong in my own memory and ‘need forgiving.’ Just mentioning the subject to Chetna, after her talk, brought tears to my eyes. So for sure it is still unforgiven and the negative emotions are eating away at my own inner happiness, keeping me tied to those who caused the problems years ago. It’s time I let them go.
I will outline Chetna’s approach to forgiveness in a later Blog. The first step is to revisit the incident which caused the hurt and examine it honestly, as we tend to bury or suppress these events and the unhealthy energy they hold can often affect our physical body and cause both mental and physical illness if it is not released. In this stage, we need to be mindful and careful not to ‘ruminate’ and just ‘go over what happened’ in a way which renews the anger and other unhealthy emotions – which would only add to the pain and damage. This stage is more about ‘sitting with the pain’ and acknowledging what happened. Journalling can help here, as it is a way to recognise what happened but ‘at arms length’ allowing that part of us to feel that it has been seen and heard. It’s like unloading a heavy weight we have been carrying.
I remember the frustration I felt as a child when I felt angry about something my sister had said or done which upset me – and my parents scolded me for ‘over-reacting.’ My sister was disabled, so my parents naturally always took her side. Now my sister and I are good friends, but I had to do some conscious work on the relationship and work on the ‘awareness and forgiveness-corner.’ I think what helped was to know that our parents were genuinely good people, doing their best. At the end of the day, none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. Would I have done any better? I doubt it.
Back to Saturday and Hay-On-Wye. I was able to leave my ‘box of presents’ with the Event Organiser on duty at the Box Office. She said she would take it to the place where all the Presenters go when they arrive, to register and be given directions. Now I am slowly going through the names and looking for contact details so I can ask them, one by one, through email, whether they actually got the present. It is slow but at least it gives me a genuine reason for contacting some lovely people.
In the introduction to the ‘Community’ Event, Russell writes –
‘Be inspired by the natural beauty of the area with a canoeing experience on the River Wye.’
I was not familiar with this part of England / Wales border country and it was indeed beautiful. I found the rivers and hills, the pretty towns and villages, even the storms and dramatic cloud-scapes and especially the rainbows I encountered on the return journey also beautiful. The drive was long and I needed to stop from time to time, so it was late when I reached home.
With the workshop next day I headed for bed (after feeding my cats) but I got up early next day and was able to finish the preparation just in time. The Workshop went well and two young Media Students (who I met through playing my music at Embankment) came to make a video record. What a weekend!
It is the Community Event in Hay-on-Wye that stays most strongly in my memory. It was indeed a significant adventure and continues to fill my mind with sparkling memories and interesting reflections.
Last week I shared two poems with you and I will do the same today. The first is one which touches the very heart of Mindfulness. In mindfulness we develop the capacity to be self-aware and notice where we are, what we are doing, thinking and feeling, with an attitude of kindly curiosity, self-compassion and affection. There is no judgement or criticism in mindfulness. My Teacher Sri Chinmoy writes –
Self-criticism is not the way
That leads to self-perfection;
Neither is self-flattery.
Through conscious self-awareness alone,
The seeker reaches his goal.
Sri Chinmoy,
Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, no 9823, part 99,
and
Miracles worth seeing
Only two miracles are worth seeing:
The miracle of loving
And
The miracle of forgiving.
Sri Chinmoy,
Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, no 6595, part 66,
I recommend that you reflect on the poems I choose in a way that is heart-deep, rather than something you think too much about. Don’t try to analyse them in an intellectual way, but just let the ideas that arise from them ‘play with your own experience’ allowing them to reduce your stress, bringing you Inner Peace and allowing your own heart’s Happiness-Sun to shine more brightly.
I wish you all a very Happy Week.
Love and Peace – from DurgaMata
ps the Event was great, but due to the rain there was a lot of mud, too. It reminded me of Glastonbury Festivals. I was able to achieve one dream – to play my Pipe and Tabor there. A friendly passer-by videoed just two tunes as she headed for shelter as another rainstorm swept the land…
