Week Ending Sunday 15th September
This is my friend's cat in his flat, a few months ago.
My friend's cat had a tooth problem and his vet said that it it didn't get better with antibiotics, then he might need an operation. This was a few months ago. The operation was likely to be considerably more money than he could manage, so I suggested he come and stay with me for a few weeks.
My cat Bella - and her mother Moiza are both registered with the local Blue Cross (as I am on a low pension) but I'd not needed their services for several years. Moiza disappeared some time ago, I was away caring for my mother at the time. She didn't disappear suddenly but just spent less and less time at my house while I was away - until she didn't come at all. When the friend who was feeding the cats last saw her she was in good shape - well fed and happy, so we guess that she may have found another family to live with. (I couldn't take the cats with me to my mother's house as she was registered blind and they would have posed a hazard.
At the Blue Cross we are allowed to register two animals so I suggested to my friend that he come and stay with me and I register his cat as my 'second cat' so he would get the treatment he required at the lowest possible cost. His vet was talking about taking some blood tests and that alone would be £350.00. He would have to borrow that from a friend - but before he took that step I said let's see if I could register him.
Unfortunately, since Covid, the Blue Cross told me that, like most charities, they have seen their income slashed. So many people don't have money to donate any more. As a result they had to cut back and they no longer cover my post-code. They would honour their responsibility to Bella, since she was already on their books but they could not register a second cat.
My friend borrowed the money and took his cat for blood tests. They revealed that he was suffering from Kidney Failure.
That was in the first week of September. He got the special pure food, and I helped my friend feed his cat with. a syringe. He was getting weak as he had not eaten properly for weeks - but we assumed this was due to the dental problem. It was a shock to know it was something more serious. His vet said that it was a fatal condition but if managed well he could live for a few more years.
Last Saturday I went busking but on Sunday it got quite late and I had to put petrol in the car and buy cat-food for my cats from that earning. I decided it was too late to busk - especially as my cold was bothering me - so I came home and parked outside the house, sitting in the car to use the 4G to open some youtube videos about the latest situation in Gaza which I am following every day. My wifi had stopped working as I couldn't make the monthly payment as well as go away - and my son was looking into the best option for the future.
Suddenly there was a tap on the car window. It was my friend. He said 'We have an emergency. Can you take us to the vet?'
When we reached the vets, it was around midnight. They examined my friends cat and said he was dying. I would have preferred to bring him home as he was weak but not - as far as the vet could tell, in any pain. But my friend decided it would be best for the vet to put his beloved cat and companion of 9 years, 'to sleep.' It was a very sad and emotional night.
So we started this week very much under a cloud.
Not only was the death of a dear member of our family casting a cloud over this week, but I was also suffering jet lag and had contracted a nasty cold, probably from the flight home on 1st September, cooped up all those hours with all those people in the cramped conditions on the plane. It was a regular cold, sore throat, runny nose etc. Not covid, nothing serious - but one way of another I was not feeling well.
I barely went out of the house all week. It felt as if my life was on hold. I prepared for and held my Coaching Zooms. I got to the Meditation Centre on Wednesday, I re-read quite a lot of Daniel Amen's book - 'Get Better Fast and Make it Last.' but I just had no energy or enthusiasm for anything.
Friday came and I started to feel a bit more dynamic. I took a load of things to the 'refuse centre' including a much loved chair that I bought in a BBC auction years ago. It was Terry Wogan's chair, the one he used for years when interviewing people. I love it but it took up too much space in the room that my (now bereaved) friend is now staying in. We needed the space so I said Goodbye to my dear Chair-Friend.
As soon as I got back from unloading all the things at the 'recycling centre' my Admin Friend arrived. She is helping me prepare my accounts which have to be filed with my accountant this month.
We worked on them for two hours and I made us a bit of lunch. After dropping her to walk across Hammersmith Bridge on her way home, I continued to work on the accounts until after 8pm.
As usual Bella was my supervisor. Once she walked on the keyboard and then sat on my lap and arm. I said, 'How can I do my work with you sitting on my lap?' Suddenly Siri said, 'I am sorry I cannot answer that question!'
Cats are such dear companions. My friend is going through a hell of grief now and I have no strategies to support him, other than messaging every day and offering my love.
By the time I was ready to go out, it was getting late for busking, I started to get ready, but I was hungry again and by the time I had sorted a few things out in the kitchen and made something to eat, it was too late to go busking. So I went for a night walk by the river. Although I had been out of the house a few times, I had taken no real exercise all week.
This is Bella on my lap as I am writing now. It's September and the weather is getting colder but I don't put heating on in the house unless it's freeszing. I just work on the sofa, under a quilt.
On. Saturday - yesterday - I was preparing video clips for a Coaching Client and my phone was so full that I had to do a lot of deleting to make space for the edited file on iMovie to download. Hours can go like this. They did.
In this clip, Marissa Peer talks about the stories we tell ourselves and gives insight into self-talk and the importance of patience in managing relationships - especially when things go wrong.
I did two other screen-recording clips from an interview with Gabor Maté. When you do a job like this, it's not done until it's completed and at one stage I phoned my son to get advice on freeing up space on the phone. He directed me to WhatsApp Settings and eventually I had the clips safely stored in my YouTube (not public but with a link I could use in my Coaching.)
I was about to pack up and leave for busking when my friend phoned to say that friend of his fathers from the USA was flying in late that evening. I live on the Heathrow side of London and Hammersmith station (direct train from Heathrow) is only a mile away. Would it be possible for him to bring his father's friend back here to stay the night?
Of course I said yes - but then I looked at my house which has had minimal housework done in the past two weeks. I could not welcome a guest into the house without doing at least some minimum cleaning.
I had done the laundry earlier in the week and it had dried outside, but was airing over the banisters as it was still not quite dry enough to put away. That would have to stay, but in the kitchen the cat-dishes and the floor needed cleaning and there was a bowl full of washing up. It was two hours later before I was free to leave.
It was one of these occasions when you just don't want to be where you are or doing what you are doing - but it just has to be done. I was tired and not in the best of moods.
I am good at mindfulness but it needs concentration, energy and a positive attitude. I was not in that 'space' so I found an interesting episode of Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett. I find his podcasts always teach me something and they occupy my mind in a positive way, so almost at random I chose one to listen to to take my mind of the cleaning: How to Build Unstoppable Self-Belief. - with Wretch 32.
I enjoyed all of it but what made a difference to my mood was his answer to the questions at the end. Steven always asks the last guest to leave a question for the next guest to answer at the end. On this occasion there were two questions forWretch 32 to answer at the end of the interview - and they made a big impression on me. The following is a summary.
What, for you, is a Life Well Lived
Waking up every day and having multiple reasons to smile and within that making multiple people smile.
I always think that life is like a record. You put the needle on the edge and then it moves nearer and nearer to the centre - (so time matters - each day is important) -
Something that's making you smile and something that's making other people smile -
Me being happy and bringing happiness...
being able to also add a positive sound-track for other people's happiest moments.
How do you make the most of this moment -
Living it, Living it Man. And appreciating it as well.
It's easy to be on that train and just keep going, keep going - but
For me - we don't meet anyone for no reason. There's always something to take from a conversation - because we're all seeds... Someone's planting something that may become fruitful later on.
To make the best of this moment - just living it, not just being in it but living it - be present.
It was such a perfect Mindfulness Answer. It re-kindled something deep in me which has been unconscious since my friend's cat died.
It was 9.45 when I finished in the kitchen. I don't usually go busking if it will be after 10.00 pm before I can start, I might well have done the same as the previous evening, abandoned any idea of busking and just gone out for a walk in the dark.
But Wretch 32 inspired me. I could certainly make at least one person smile if I made the effort to go busking. Embankment was out of the question. Someone in the flats was sure to complain about the noise. That can happen even before 9pm at Embankment and the 'Security Enforcement Officer' comes with his badge to ask me to stop. So I went to Liverpool Street which is quite a lot further but quite an impersonal city location.
I parked in Putney as I can get night busses back even if the trains have finished. It took until 10.54 to be ready to be outside Liverpool Street station, ready to start.
There was a lady begging outside the station and I went to speak to her first, saying (as I usually do) that I would not be playing in competition but in support. Each time I earned £5.00 I would give her a pound. I also gave her a flier and invited her to my workshop. She was happy. I think her name is Edie. One smile 'in the bag.'
Within minutes a lovely lady stopped. Her name is Piri. She didn't know that it means 'small' in Shetland dialect. She is a musician - a singer - and she loved my music. She promised to keep in touch and is keen to come to my workshop. That was another big Smile for both of us. She gave me a £5.00 note - so the first pound in coins that I earned went to Edie. More smiles.
While she was still talking to me another man stopped by. He was very protective and worried that someone 'my age' was out so late. He wanted to support me in some way. I said just come to the workshop.
(He took my flier and texted me today. Unfortunately he was keen to have a personal relationship with me so I had to explain that I am not looking for that. I have a husband of nearly 50 years marriage and that is more than enough. When he persisted in texting I had to block him. There are so many lonely people in our world. I will be happy if he can come to the workshop but I do not want to correspond.)
At that time, I was planning just to play for half an hour, it was a 'gesture' rather than a serious aim to earn that evening - but as I played more, I began to really enjoy myself - and earn some money. Then someone else came and asked if my card-reader was working. It is but it depends on wifi and I have no data allowance left on my phone, so I depend on the person who wants to contribute having the ability to link me to their phone wifi hotspot - and the willingness to stop long enough to do it. They did have time and paid me £5.00 from their card. More smiles!
I continued - and got a few more coins. Then I another lady stopped who wanted to use the card-reader but didn't have the wifi to get it to work. I said if she had a note I could give some change. But after talking with me and learning about my workshops, she said she did not want change. She wanted to give me some support. She gave me a £20.00 note (which is extremely unusual.) I was so moved and grateful. I was smiling at God in my heart for a long time after she had gone. It was not even 11.30pm and I had more than £40.00. If I had come out earlier - as intended - my aim would have been to earn £50.00 that night and I had only £10.00 left to reach that goal.
I had a little inner conversation with God in my heart to say I was not asking for that, but I would very much be open to the possibility if so could be His Will. I continued playing, having fun, people dancing, people smiling all the time. A few people dropped a few coins in. I was remembering my spiritual Teacher's message in a dream a few years ago. I asked, 'What should I devote the remaining years of my life to? and he said 'Mindfulness.' And I asked 'And every day?' He replied, 'In everything you do, do it with love, do it with devotion, and do it for Me' (for God, for the Divine.) So I was meditating on these things as I was playing and trying to feel the love flowing from my heart through the music, to everyone who passed.
Then someone called to me. I looked up and it was a Romanian gentleman who I have met several times over the past years, when out busking in this area - but not for at least a year. He is a sweetie. On occasions he has talked for hours and I have felt privileged and been so humbled that he want to tell me about his life. We have a genuine relationship which feels almost like mother and son. We had a big hug and caught up a bit. I was keen as always for him to come to my workshops but he is embarrassed because his English is not great. I said I need to earn a bit more but I wished him well. He gave me a small collection of coins - about three pounds in total I think. It was all the money he had in this world. He stood a little way from where I was playing and just continued to listen. I accepted his gift and felt it was the most precious and valuable income I had received all night.
Two Chinese students stopped to ask about the music. They loved what I'm doing and took my details. They want to invite me to give a Talk at their University. I think it was they who gave me a £10.00 note. I was shocked and delighted. They left with more mutual smiles.
I played on. A few more occasional coins arrived and then a group of girls came exuberantly dancing down the steps and one of them came across to give a contribution. We chatted and she said how much she loved the sound and the energy of my music. She had been about to give a pound but when I explained what I'm doing she resonated so deeply with my philosophy that she gave me a £5.00 note.. Her name is Rachel. She's a specialist teacher for autistic students and is keen for me to come in to offer some Mindfulness Workshops for the children she works with.
Knowing I had a few coins, I guessed that I would now have the £50.00 I had hoped to make that evening. I asked the time. It was 00.07am. If I went quickly I would be in time for the last train to Hammersmith and could take the night bus back to Putney.
Gratitude for an exceptionally full evening - and in only just over an hour earning the £50.00 which I had hoped for hours earlier.
In Hammersmith I had to wait nearly half an hour for the night bus. It was quite crowded. I sat on a seat near the front, reserved for elderly and disabled, next to a young woman with a big suitcase. We got in conversation. She'd had a nice evening and was heading home. She asked me what I'd been doing. I said busking and slid my pipe out. I played a tune and some boys sitting further back were asking, 'who's playing that? Where's that coming from?' I turned round and showed them. They were enchanted and asked 'play again.' Now I was in a very happy mood. I stood up and pulled out my drum as well. I played and they asked for more. I played and played all the way to Putney Bridge.
Everyone on the whole bus was euphoric - like at a pop-concert, at least a dozen people were videoing me and lots of people were calling for more. My heart was overflowing with happiness. When I left the bus we were all blowing kisses to each other.
So that is my story of how Wretch 32 transformed my evening even though I have never heard a single track of his music.
Jermaine Sinclaire Scott, better known by his stage name Wretch 32, is a British rapper, singer and songwriter from Tottenham, North London. He was a member of the grime collective Combination Chain Gang, before forming The Movement with Scorcher, Ghetts, and Mercston
It had been a wonderful experience but it did not allow me to forget those who are suffering all over the world from the scourge of war - and in the case of Gaza, genocide..
In our thousands, in our millions, we are all Palestinians.
They are all also in my heart and my prayers.
And always remember, when we march in solidarity with Palestine and call for a Cease Fire, we are not antisemitic. We do not forget the Israeli families who have lost loved ones or who are displaced from their homes. 'From the River to the Sea' we want all the people, Israeli and Palestinian, to be free, and safe and secure. We are all one family in this world and the only way to find security is in mutual respect and a peace based on freedom and justice for all. And every day that the war continues there is more pain, more suffering, more death and destruction, more fear, more anger, more grief and mistrust. The only way to find security is through diplomacy and an appreciation that we are all flawed, we all make mistakes, but we are also all children of the one Great Creator and that nobody is safe until we are all safe.